sitting pretty

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to  himself through Jesus Christ. - Ephesians 1:5

May 1st, 2011 marks the beginning of my walk with Jesus.  On that day 2 years ago at Cross Church, Pastor Nick was teaching on adoption and this verse grabbed me..

Just melted me.  I was overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit and God’s love for me.

I was baptized Catholic as an infant and grew up in Catholic school and church so I always considered myself Christian.  Only problem was I didn’t truly know Christ.. Unfortunately for me, he was a symbol on a cross and I was motivated to follow my faith by fear, guilt and to try to be a good person. 

Before Christ I was…

Extremely insecure and didn’t know where I belonged.. We moved a lot and I was back and forth between my {divorced} parents homes. Making friends and trying to fit in was difficult at times and I quickly became a people pleaser with very little identity.

Perfectionist… I tried to win the approval of family and friends by always making good grades, doing well at sports, and everything else I possibly could.

Control freak…  I was responsible, made plans and in total control of my life.  Anytime a bump in the road came, it was devastating b/c it wasn’t in the plan!  I don’t think drive and determination are a bad thing, but when you have no perspective and don’t know your purpose, it really is like spinning your wheels. 

Selfish… All about me and my happiness.

Defensive… always making excuses, hard headed, couldn’t accept constructive criticism and trying to earn my way.

I am now a new creature in Christ. 

I know my purpose.. I was created to glorify God for HIS purposes!  I am his creation.. created in HIS image!  It’s all about Him, not me…

WOW, WHAT A RELIEF!  Learning that definitely took some pressure off, haha!

I have His Word, the Bible as a reference.  Filled with truth and guidance. If your appliances stop working or have a problem, you consult the manual written by the inventor… same thing applies.  Life is not working, need guidance, I now seek out my creator!

The joy that comes from trusting in God and pursuing a relationship with Him far outweighs any momentary happiness I used to seek.  It is secure and provides peace.

All the legalism and perfectionism is being shattered by Jesus.  The rules and do-good approach are being replaced by a heartfelt desire to do the right thing b/c I love Jesus b/c He loved me first.  I now realize there is no amount of good things I could do to ever EARN my way to Heaven.  Can you imagine standing at the gate and hearing “Well Kelly, you did really good but you missed a few things so you get a B+. Sorry you can’t get in.”  I can’t get there alone, can’t do enough good, can’t control myself not to sin enough ON MY OWN. 

It’s amazing to me to look back on how much God is changing my heart, healing my past and giving me hope for the future.  I feel more free than ever before in my life.  And best of all, God speaks to me.